My first baby is 11 today

I can't beleive that 11 years ago I gave birth to my firstborn. I became extremely vechlempt thinking that I have had him for 11 years and he could be leaving me in 7. It makes me sad to see my babies growing up.

What's for dinner.....and oldie but goodie...

Written with ~A~ December 21, 2005
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I hate meal planning. Really, I do. I hate trying to figure out what to make for these spongers every night of the week. If you were to ask each one of my children what they wanted for dinner you would get 4 different answers. For Example:

The boy always wants Nachos. Really, there isn’t anything this boy won’t try to digest. But nachos are his THING!

“Mom, I want the Nachos with that cheese sauce you make and sour cream and spicy meat and chile and really hot salsa.”
“Not tonight Boy, we can’t have nachos.”
“Well….how about taco salads?”
“Isn’t that the same thing as nachos but WITH Salad?” (he sure is a sly one)
“Well……(now picture an 8 year old with the wheels turning) technically no, because I will use more lettuce than chips. *pause* AND I won’t need cheese sauce, just shredded cheese and maybe some ranch dressing.”
“No”
“UGH” I NEVER get to eat anything!!”

That’s right. I starve the boy. I won’t fix him nachos so he never gets to eat. What a terrible terrible life he must lead. *barf* *gag*

Now my 6 year old "H", she pretends to be the best, healthiest eater ever. I mean I mention cauliflower and her little face lights up. As long as she can look like the golden child she will eat anything. If I have three whineies about what’s for dinner, she comes in saying: "I will eat anything that you make mommy!! I LOVE IT!" AHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh its good to know I have one good child. But unfortunately this declaration of palate easiness is what usually prompts my 5 year old, "E" into fits.

“MOM she is just saying that because she is trying to show off and be the bestest stinky poopie favorite girl!!”
“OK E girl, what do you want for dinner?”
“I don’t know…..anything that H doesn’t want. Oh, and make sure there are no potatoes in it.”
“You mean TOMATOS.”
“Right mommy……..I don’t like potatoes.”

This always prompts "H" to say "E": "You don’t know how to talk and whatever Mommy makes I will eat so you will never get to choose what’s for dinner." *insert screams of rage from "E" and hair pulling* “ITS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOT FAAAAIIIIRRRRRR!!! I NEVER GET TO CHOOSE.”

*sigh*

My 3 year old, J-elf" really doesn’t care what’s for dinner, because she usually doesn’t eat. If its not processed or a sweetened junk food, she won’t like it. Usually she just wants marshmallows or cookies for dinner. And being the last, WHAT THE HECK. WHY NOT. Go for it. As long as she isn’t screaming I am all for it!

Well - not really because I have a sense of Mommydoom when I think of my sweet 3 year old eating only marshmallows and cookies for dinner. What her teeth and little insides must look like from eating all that sugar. HOW CAN I ALLOW THAT. I must make greens and chicken and veggies for dinner! I MUST. And I do. And I get:

“WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?!?!”
“MOMMEEEEEEEEEEE this has POTATOS IN IT!”
“EWwwwwwwwwwww is this suppose to look like this?”
“What’s that smell…..did somebody barf in here?”

whine whine whine sawb sawb whine whine whine

“I thought we were having nachos?!?!?!?!?”
“Do we have to eat ALL of this?”
“Mommyyyyyyy I’m not hungry anymore”

*Sigh* Little bunch of ingrates. And to think, I get to do this every night!! At least I know I am not alone in my dinner dramas. ~A~ has similar issues!!

~A~ says:
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Ahhhhhhhhhh yes, supper time, sends chills down my spine. I love to cook, but planning a meal around four kids fucking sucks.

Here, my kids are self proclaimed “Half-vegetarians”.

Me – “What the hell do you mean by that?” Yes I know I shouldn’t say hell to the kids but this caught me off guard.
Button (oldest at 8 and appointed kid rep) – “It means that we only eat meat and vegetables.”
Me – “Yes, that’s usually what we eat.”
Button – “But no potatoes. We don’t eat potatoes.”

Which is true, my kids will not eat potatoes. They’re probably the only kids in the world who will snarff down on piles of Brussels sprouts but set a French fry in front of them, or even a potato chip, they’ll scream like they’re being tortured inhumanely.

Let’s take a trip back in time. About five years, not too far.

Little Button is about 3 years old. One of my favorite ages, but this day we’re at my parents house and my mother has serve scalloped potatoes as a side dish.

Button taking a bite of potatoes – “Mmmmmmmmm oh oh oh, I’m going to yack!”
Me – “No, you’re being picky, eat your potatoes.”
Button spitting out the potatoes – “Noooooooooo weeally, I’m going to have a yackattack!”
Me – “Stop it Button and eat your potatoes, you love potatoes.” Which is true, until this day she loved them.
Nana spoons a bite of potatoes in Buttons mouth and she immediately throws up the potatoes all over the dining room table.

Every mother reading this can stop cringing, lucky of us it wasn’t a whole lot of puke and it wasn’t my table. HA!

And this begins the great potato revolt. The fact that Button being the oldest and most dramatic, her dislike for potatoes has spread fast than syphilis outbreak in Rockdale County. Mashed, baked, fried, chips, hidden in salads, it doesn’t matter they know there’s a hint of potatoes and it drama begins.

“I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan’t eat potatooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes! They make me throw up!”
“I hate potatoes, don’t cook them!”
“No no no NOT POTATOES!”

Which invokes the normal response, “These aren’t for you. Do I make you eat potatoes? No, so shut up and eat your broccoli.”

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*T* Says:

Ah yes, the broccoli. Every dinners saving grace. Can’t think of a veggie….throw in broccoli. THAT always works!

The Aggravator, The Antagonizer, and The Agitator

I was watching my children interact with each other the other day and it suddenly dawned on me. I had flashes of Clint Eastwood's Spaghetti Westerns run through my mind. Aye Aye Aey wonh wonh wonhhhhhhhhhh The Good, The Bad and the Ugly - the theme song uttered off my lips. How many times have I watched that movie, too many to list. I knew the characters well and realized that each played a significant part in fulfilling the destiny of the title. Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo. I watched my children some more.......Ennio Morricone tunes wafting in my mind. Suddenly it hit me. I had my own version......The Aggravator, The Antagonizer, The Agitator and The Victim. Each of my children weaving in and out of every role, but always one of each in every volatile situation.

AYE AYE AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The Victim:

The poor soul who has been targeted to suffer that day. What else do I have to say about them.

The Aggravator:

This is the one who usually begins all "situations". They are the first one who sees that little something, who notices the one thing that is upsetting the victim. This is the one who must begin making life difficult for the victim. Their one goal is to make the victim upset. Or as the dictioary states: to make more severe; intensify, as anything evil, disorderly, or troublesome. Eveil.........as in the aggravator. They are the master button pusher. "Why are you doing that. You put it on wrong. You can't do that here. Give me back my pencil that you have." The aggravator is the supreme troublemaker of the day, the one who begins it all.

The Antagonizer:

The antagonizer immediately notices what the aggravator is doing. They have also noticed that the mother has already reprimanded the Aggravator. Now that they are out out of they way, its time for the Antagonizer to step up to the plate. This is the one who has to come in and rile the victim some more. The antagonizer notices that the victim is elevated by the aggravator. So they come in and go against everything the victim does. The Antagonizer must perpetuate the situation. If the victim yells stop doing that.....they don't. The victim says stop, the antagonizer says no. The victim says leave me alone, the antagonizer doesn't. Definition of the Antagonizer: to act in opposition to. Anything the victim says....the antagonizer must do the complete opposite. Usually the antagonizer gets a little help from the mother because her reasoning is to ignore them. That just makes the antagonizer work even harder. The poor victim usually begins the screaming after the antagonizer which leads to a blanket ultimatum for all.

The Agitator:

The closer in the entire scenario and the last of the onslaught. They PRETEND to lie in alliance with the victim when all they are doing is lying low under the radar. The agitator has seen the mother already reprimand the aggravator and the antagonizer. He has even been privy to the blanket ultimatum. She may have been present when the mother soothed and calmed the victim down. They are the one who has to come in for the ultimate kill. They are silent and not as bold as the Aggravator. They are coy, not as direct as the antagonizer. The Agitator slips in extremly quitely, nonchalantuntly and riles up the victim all over again. The agitator is the most sly and direct of them all. They are the one who usually brings the tears because they excite the vicitm in a way that causes great emotional distress. Once the agitator has done their job, all 4 know that the end is here.

Aye Aye Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Wonh Wonh Wonh


The Aggavator, The Antagonizer, and the Agitator. Each one playing his or her part against the victim. Always the same plot, with different actors in every role. When will they strike, I do not know. But rest assured I am on to them!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct6p0sP_KSk

The Great Corn Famine

Apparently across the west there is a great corn famine. I hope its not as bad at the Irish potato famine. I was greatly concerned when I trekked into my local costco. But rest assured, the organic sweet white niblets were stocked up nicely. I am relieved that it is passing the great state of Arizona!!!

pssst......if you need some......hit me up and I can ship it to you for a nominal fee. Look at me finding my calling on the black corn market!!!

My Music Prodigy

My son is currently trying to teach himself how to play the piano. He decided this 2 days ago. I taught him some basic fingering and 3 scales and chords. He has picked it up incredibly FAST!! He is now trying to pick out the music for Indiana jones. He has the lead part....but the bass (chord part) he is getting angry with. LOL Should I tell him that he shouldn't get so frustrated on his second day?

Watch out I *AM* armed!!!!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Lazy Summer Mornings

I love mornings like this. Woke up super early, put laundry in, came downstairs and sat on my back porch. As I sat I thought that I better enjoy this now because soon mornings will be too hot to do this. I listened to birds, checked my fruit trees, looked at my gardens. Then 2 of my lovies came down tried to curl in my lap. Decided it was too cramped so we moved to the sofa for optimal cuddling. We have decided that it a definite french toast day. Off to cook with my lovies. I think its a start to a lovey day.