A little funny

I took the kids swimming yesterday and we were out for a good 4 hours. At the end of the afternoon, being thoroughly sunkissed and zapped of all energy, we came inside, ate, and started vegging on the couch watching a movie. So I am watching the clock and notice at 7:30 nodding heads, so I stand up and proclaim, "BEDTIME!" The older ones start to grumble and stir but J-elf just lays sprawled out on the couch.

"I'm too tired mommy"
" I know baby girl....Lets get up and go to bed"
"But I toooooo tiiiiiiiiired - you carry me mommmmeeeeeeeeee"
"No....you big gurl.....you can walk up the stairs"

She starts to grumble and cry as I herd the other 3 towards the foot of the stairs.

"mommmeeeeeeeeee I tooo tiiiiiiiiiired..........YOU carry me"
"Baby....you can walk...now lets go!!"
"Mommeeeeeeeeee if you carry me.....I give you threeeeeeee dollars" (visual: she barely can hold her 3 fingers up because she is so weak from swimming)
I was like WTH?!?! And I said "Three Dollars?!?!?!" To which she so feebly replied back.
"Ok...then Mommeeee, I give you one dollar.....carry me plllleeeeeeeaaaaaaseeeeee."

What do you say to that but, of course baby....but you better pay up when we get upstairs. She said ok. Once we get up there...she checks her piggy bank, and only has some change. So she asked me:

"Mommy.....can I borrow some dollars?!?!?!"

Of course dear....of course!!!!

For Wolfmeis

(leave your name and...)
1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. if i do this for you you must post it in your journal

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. You are one of the hardest and funniest persons to have ANY sort of convo with.

2. I challenge you to designate a few hours (or maybe one or two) for yourself per week!! Just to do ^L^ stuff. Sans kids. You need to remember that not only are you mommy and wife...but you are ^L^.

3. Red. Becacause you are firey and passionate....

4. I LOVE how you always know what to say, how to say it, when to say it. Your advice always floors me...because you give it so eloquently.

5. It was during chat time for our old EC. I was sure you were convinced I was stalking you.

6. Humingbird. Becasue they flit and flirt everywhich way.

7. Is P-Daddy really THAT much of a monk?!?!??!?! That totally blows my mind!!

8. Done!

I'm in for a day

I was laying in bed cuddling with my 4 year old this morning (yes, she still sleeps with me) when all of a sudden she looks at me and starts to sing (to the shave and a haircut tune):

"Poop in the barnyard........peeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww"
"Somebody ate it..........thats youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

I think its going to be one of those days!!

*sigh*

I get to laugh at ~A~

I was talking to ~A~ tonight and her kids were...........ahhhhhhhhhhhh how do you say it....... being VERY active. Not that mine aren't ever active in that way.......but I have to relish in the fact that mine, at the time, were no where to be seen or heard. (insert nanny nanny boo boo voice here) Well ~A~'s littles were causing some sort of mass destruction with pencil shavings. (or something of equally great messiness) And ~A~ was attempting to clean it up and uttered in her most "I can't believe you children came from my loins voice":

"Can someone bring me a broom like a normal human being?!?!?!?"

Now just her utterance of this made me start to giggle. Because how do you carry a broom like a normal human?!?! Why was this skill not practiced in her house...and is it a skill that NEEDS to be practiced. And why wasn't she happy with the way her kids were bringing her the broom!! I guess pushing the broom, by the bristles, out of the broom closet with their feet just wasn't good enough for her!!! Creative thinking!! COME ON think outside the box woman!!!! I would have just been excited that a broom was making its way towards ME!!! They were doing what the woman had requested. The broom was not still sitting in the closet....it was TRAVELING, en route, although probably at the pace of the space shuttle towards its launch pad...but it was a coming! Oh, it gets better, because the whole kicker to this is the sweet, innocent, bewildered, I am not sure if this is right, voice that came from her adorable muffin man when he so angelicly said:

"Like that?!??????"

Ohhhhhh the laughter that ensued on my part at the utterance of those sweet words! Where were the accolades......where was the praise!?! The razzing must being!! Why was ~A~ not raising normal children?!?!? How did they not know how to carry brooms!! Bravo child!! Bravo!! I then had to ask ~A~ is she, herself, even knew what a normal human being was and if she didn't how did she expect her children to?!?! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.........oh so funny. Did I mention the fact that MY children had been quiet and occupied the entire time?!?!? Oh no.......well they were. (again...nanny nanny boo boo)

After must guffawing etc. at my dear friend she herself starts to giggle hysterically. Because at the end of it all.....her oldest (and hence most wisest) heaves a heavy sigh and proclaimed

"Its hard having kids."

So true dear Button......so true!!

Do you two have to do THAT?!?!

My soulmate/husband/lovah is HOT. Oh yeah..........H. O. T. Hot. He is so hot I have a hard time keeping my hands off of him. 12 years we have been together and I still like looking, touching, smelling, - I will stop there....because I think you can get the picture.

So our children are coming into the ages where they notice every little touch/grab/kiss/look. They see it, their eyes get big and they start the giggling and the whipsering to each other....did you see where daddy put his hand....snigger, snicker, snigger, OH NO...they just kissed..ewwwwwwww. Did you pinch daddy's BOTTOM.....ack gag gross!!! I never thought it would be such big news to them since we have always been this way. I just thought they would see it, go "Oh they are doing that again", and ignore it. But lately, they HAVEN'T been. Every little touch, whisper, kiss has been reported throughout the house.

"GUESS WHAT THEY ARE DOING NOW YOU GUYS"
"R-boy - Daddy just kissed mommy"
"Girly-girl H - Did daddy touch your boobies?!?!?"
"E-girl - Mom looked at daddy with those silly eyes"
"J-elf - ewwwwwwwwww no more kissies"

My lovah thinks its hysterical and has turned the groping into a game. He tries to get grabs, kisses, feelies etc without the kids noticing and is quite masterful at it. He is usually at his most competitive in the middle of Target. Which is usually a little embarrassing because, yes, your 8 year old didn't see it, but that 55 year old lady over there did. *ahem*

So we were sitting on the couch snuggling, watching tv with our love children when our oldest turns to us and says.

"Why do you two have to do that?"
"Do what?" My lovah and I proclaim?
"Do THAT"
"You mean breathing?!?" I reply, "because its a pre-programmed response from our brain...Why?" <--insert giggles from myself and lovah.
"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN MOM....THAT"
"You two are always acting like you are in LOVE" pipped #2 Girly-Girl H.
"Well because we arrrrrrrrrrrrrre in love" My lovah quippes
"Well, its kinda gross you two...you need to stop" R-boy states matter of factly.
"Yeah and we are tired of seeing you two french kiss" * E-girl says.
"E-girl, we are not french kissing. Just watch your movie"
"We can't...because you are doing THAT."

I will spare you the circle conversation that followed for the next 15 minutes (man we love tormenting them) We finally told our children when mommy and daddy do "THAT" it means we still love each other. And they should be happy we do love each other because it wouldn't be a fun life if mommy and daddy didn't like each other. This is when the light bulb flicks on. (I alway love seeing the dawn of realization sweep across their faces) It was my son who said it first.

"If you didn't do THAT then you two probably wouldn't be married, would you.? Or if you were...you would be fighting."

"Exactly"

"Well....I guess its ok then."

"As long as its not french kissing!!!"

Deal.

*Disclaimer. We do not french kiss in front of our children. E-Girl thinks all kissing is french kissing for some reason, no matter how many times we try to tell her otherwise.

Pink Slip

I was laying in bed this morning covered in vomit from my 4 year old and listening to my older 3 fighting over which cartoon to put on when it hit me. I don't want to be an adult anymore. I quit. Handing in my resignation today.....Somebody PLEASE give me a pink slip. Tell me I was somehow caught in a space time continuum and was whisked, by accident, 20 years ahead in time.

Anyone?!?!? Hellooooooooooooooo.........Let me close my eyes tap my heals together 3 times and say....there is no place like my youth........there is no place like my youth. *sigh* nothing has changed. I still have 3 loads of laundry waiting for me. I still have dirty dishes. I still have kids fighting. I still have vomit on my wifebeater.

Ok.....so that didn't work......and even if I COULD go back into my youth. Would I really want to? No, not really. I like being older, wiser, more comfortable in my skin. I don't NEED my youth. What I DO need though is to be independently wealthy. Yeah, now THATS the ticket. I need a maid and a cook. I need someone to do all the gritty stuff while I just play around with my kids. Yep, I need someone to draw my bath while they strip the beds and shoo the kids down to breakfast. Someone to take the kids clean them up, dress them, and have them waiting for me so we can go out and have some fun. Yeah baby.......thats what I need. Hmmm so the brainstorming must begin. How to accomplish that......lets see........lets see......

*cough* *cough*lurch*gag*barf*spew*

Guess I will work on that tomorrow.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

The Lone Boob

My 4 year old has one of the quirkest little personalities EVAH!! I mean she has done some things that you will not believe. Therefore, I have decided to start to blog about my final and most impish child.

I decided that I needed to take my 4 littles and 4 other kids swimming today. I know that you are probably thinking that I should report on that adventure......but let me tell you this. 1. I am not crazy, 2. Yes, I am a superwoman and 3. My extreme OCD and head counting makes me one of the best lifeguards around.

Ok....so I was getting the kiddos dressed and I pull out this new swimsuit for my baby. Its a super cute little pink bikini from Gymboree (one of my most fav stores). Anyways, she puts it on and thinks she is a ballerina because of the fringe on the bottom. So she is twirling and dancing up a storm. I am so beautiful mommy, thank you mommy, I LOVE THE SWIMSOUP MOMMY!! I am happy, she is happy, all is right with the world. I begin to lather all the kiddos up with sunscream when #4 comes in with a HUGE pout on her face.

"Whats wrong doll baby?!"
"I don't like this soup!! I don't want to wear it!!!" <-- insert whining and almost crying here.
"I thought you LOVED it....whats wrong?!"
"Mommy..........it SHOWS MY BOOB!!"

OK......I almost lost it here. I held it together because I didn't want to scar my daughter with laughter at her boob. I can scar her with other things down the road.

"Baby, you don't have a boob. You have baby BOOOOOBIES. Boobies - not a boob. So you are fine wearing it. You can't see a thing!!"

Then she looked at me with the most indignent face she could muster she proclaimed.

"I HAVE A BOOB AND ITS SHOWING!!!"

*sigh* So what did I do? Did I pacify the girl and let her change out of her new swimsoup. HECK NO. I did what every hollywood fashion designer does. I got some scotch tape, rolled it up and did the ole double stick to the suit/skin trick. She was happy and the boob was covered.

Did the tape last through swimming. I don't even think it lasted into the car. But in her mind the boob was conatined. Whew, at least my girl has some sense of modesty - well for now anyways!!!